She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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