I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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