the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
