I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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