If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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