a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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