just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize