i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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