you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
