I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
