Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
