last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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