I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
