at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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