Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
