i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
