Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
