Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
there is puke in my bra ... again
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