Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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