What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
