I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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