neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
