You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
