would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
