redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize