Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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