bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
