Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
