3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
