I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
