Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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