It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
