i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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