Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
