naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
