spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
