i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
