Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
