he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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