And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
