the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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