I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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