i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
