Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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