a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
third nipple confirmed
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
