Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
