glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
