The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize