so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
