Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
