I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
