He disabled his match.com account in front of me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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