I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
