Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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