so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
