My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
