Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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