I'm sorry my penis didn't work
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
