She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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