he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
