I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
