so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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