we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
