There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
