Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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