I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
