We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
