i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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