I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
